Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

http://terrytate.reebok.com

'Under most circumstances, a commercial Web site would never be promoted in the WOW column - especially not a sneaker company. Every J. Crew-wearing Boulderite knows that sneaker companies are big sweatshop offenders.

Well, who would've thought the slave-labor-enforcing bastards at Reebok had a sense of humor? Certainly not us Birkenstock- or New Balance-clad folks on the Front Range.

A while ago (a while meaning we have no idea of even a general timeframe) Reebok released its Terrible Terry Tate campaign. Tate plays the crucial role of Office Linebacker as a part of Team Felcher. In this position, his duties include tackling and hollering, but mainly his job is to streamline office procedures and increase productivity.

Throughout his daily routine, the site's film shorts show Tate in his natural habitat, as a dedicated worker who accepts nothing but the best. The only game he has been caught playing is the "Let's See How Much Pain G Can Take Until G Learns Not To Play Games Anymore Because When It's Game Time, It's Pain Time" game.

Facts about Tate include that he hates taking vacations, he fits right into the chemistry of the office environment, he is never bested by the competition and he has come to be known as the "pain train." His philosophies are simple: First of all, "You kill the joe, you make some mo'," "You put a cover on your TPS Reports," (sound familiar?) and "You can't just talk about it. You gotta be about it. Because, when it's go time, it's showtime."

That ain't nothin' new, baby... not to Triple T, anyway.

The Office Linebacker has yet to catch on in many professional organizations but the concept is still young. The position is a logical addition to any team. Having such a motivated, hard-hitting co-worker can only make the days go faster and can ensure that the job gets done right on the first time.

So, if your office is not fortunate enough to have its own Terry Tate, you should see what you are missing out on. The Pain Train is the express route to productivity.